a topic, i may have.

well, i think i have a topic. i'll explain it some other time. but basically i'm going to focus on samolone rossi and mantua. i'll explain more. if you know anything about rossi, you might see why.

university has commenced once again. it's a different feeling knowing this is probably, undoubtly, your last year. what is even stranger is knowing that all of your friends are probably not graduating this year and still have at least another year to go. university, in many ways, is like an extension of high school--for the undergads. but in so many other ways, it is nothing like high school. for one thing, i like being a student at university. i hated high school. another is that exceptations are far different and peoples goals are really varied. i'm going on to graduate school, but i don't know anyone else who is. i don't know what i would do if i didn't do more schooling. i couldn't do much, really.

today was an easy day, but it was also a stressful day. i've had very busy days all summer and today was considerably an easy day with not much to do. it was hard to handle. i walked around the music building a lot trying to think of something i needed to do. when i couldn't, i think i got a bit down. i think it's the sudden let down from doing so much and living day-to-day with a lot of stressful activity to going back to a steady routine that is relatively relaxing. so right now i'm feeling a bit down, i just need to adjust to the change of pace. it's hard to do. its like, being on a sugar high and just crashing from it. usually a good night sleep seems to make me feel better.

sorry this post was not really about music but just about myself. this journal used to be about myself as writing has been my main means of letting out my feelings but since it's mostly focused on writing about music related topics. so i apologise if you are dissapointed, somehow.

help help help

i'm having a hard time trying to find something to write about for my research paper. i need to write a paper as part of my graduation requirements, but i also need to write it so that i may submit it to the universities i am applying to for evaluation. it's frustrating because i want to write something that has meaning and relevance to my own ideas but also stays true to credible musical research. i guess i really just don't know what to talk about. i want to put everything i've said in prior posts and apply it to something legitimate. but what exactly, i can't say. what should i focus on? where do i start? i did a presentation on lully and how his operas were influenced by the ruling idealogy of king louis xiv. i think i could do something along that line.

i was just thinking about something that is a bit funny. i was talking to dr. baker recently and she was just mentioning what she thought i wanted to write about or what i did not want to write about. so she said, "well george crumb is out because you don't like him...." but i was just thinking that just because we write or do reasearch on someone does not me we have to like the composer or his music. certainly we can do research on him/her to dispprove his music or place him in the correct social context?

i want to focus on music, and how it is used by powerful figures in society to sway society. i want to write about how music is manipulated. music, like religion, like anything else, can be manipulated to promote certain ideologies. i want to show how music has been used throughout history in this manner. i can't write about every instance, but i need to find a period to focus on. a few years in a countries history. we probably do not notice it, but music right now is being swayed by those in powerful positions. take for example what i have written about in regards to my experiences at the university i attend. is it not obvious?

maybe, what i want to do is something that requires far more research than i can handle. well, it is not that i cannot handle the research. it is that my resources are limited and so is my time. i don't know what to do. ahhhhhh!

someone give me some ideas!